Poemranker [Replying] Sat May 18 20:36:41 PDT 2024

Replying to a comment on:

O say, can you see? (Free verse) by Dovina

Have you seen, by the dawnâs early light, a margin for error, bounded and spared, on one side tyranny, the other disorder, a space in between where deep need and deep sorrow are less than before, while health and right reach historical height, and viewing it asked, if more expectationâs a high form of madness? A margin for freedom, a margin for error, a space worth the cost, some soldiers thought, And shared in the suffering chose mercy, not life. So pop that cracker, suspend the fight, enjoy the margin, and sparkle the night.

Dovina

6-Jul-06/3:23 PM

Strange, how an obvious thing in an inspiration becomes muddled in a poem. I think itâs lack of craft. The first line of our National Anthem, being the title, and the first line in the poem, containing the second line in the Anthem, combined with the timing of posting, the Fourth of July, was intended to set the stage for a poem about patriotism.

We have, in democracy, a space for freedom and a margin for error, where over the years deep need and deep sorrow have become less than they are in other systems of government, and where, after much floundering, health and personal rights have reached historical highs. Sometimes I think that to ask for more than this is a high form of madness.

I may need to revise the poem to make these things more clear.

Thanks for your comments.

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