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Painkillers for Fun (Free verse) by Sunny

On the balcony with a bitter tongue and remaining sun, I am rationalizing before my buzz sets in. I stare at the poppies for awhile. * * * * * * * * My thoughts blinked like the yellow lights at six; there were the heavy bills blazing white on a desk, and painful drums mauled my temples. Now, with a white capsule influence, those underfed insecurities suppress, those dogs that once harassed the alleys. Lethargic eyes roll next to loitering clouds. The opulence of these disengaged thoughts; I love everything and marvel at the trees. The clouds seem sick, horizontal, skinny. They do their nightly weakening. The suns light slowly smothers at around eight. And day's white light spills down; my white pupils want their dark veils. White high tapers slowly from the white sheets that silence me.

Ranger 1-Jun-06/2:38 PM
No worries, I love your poetry and it makes me think which gains it bonus points. And to be honest, if this is a sloppy first draft, well it puts my drafts to shame.
As for the 'dog' bit, well I'm about to be in out of my depth, but I'll try to make some sense with my limited knowledge. My lit. theory lecturer is pretty much a disciple of William Empson, so the influence has filtered down, and now I have some free time I can actually give his works a proper read. He pretty much revolutionised the way in which Paradise Lost is interpreted, and did the same for quite a lot of other poems. As for 'dog', that is down to words being 'pregnant' with meanings. So in this instance, 'dog' would have been a term of abuse in Shakespearean times, but recently the attitudes towards it have shifted, and it's even become a term of endearment ('you sly dog' etc.). The same goes for our attitudes towards the actual creatures - they range from being the gutter strays to being man's best friend. I just found it interesting how in this you say that the dogs 'once harassed', but give the impression that it's not so bad any more...and then you say that you 'love everything' not long afterwards. In similar fashion, you seem to hate life in general at the start, but then the dislike fades as you love everything and marvel at the trees, not to mention the opulence. When I've actually properly read some of Empson's work I might be able to give a better account.
As for using 'white' the way you do, I've been thinking about it and although I'd still like to see it edited, I wonder if it might lose its force a little. I don't know, we'll have to find out that one. And I'm sure people would tell you if you lost your bikini top, although I suppose it depends how you look without it, really :-p
I'll return to this one to see what else I can find in it; I always enjoy the challenges your writing sets!




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