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grim task (Villanelle) by lmp

at the end of a gruelling day, in the middle of a dreary week, he collects himself and his meager pay. there are no words he cares to say amid dirt and grime and his own reek at the end of a gruelling day. ev'ry day he toils and prays needlessly for what he seeks. he collects himself and his meager pay. carving into wet silty clay another sepulcher for the meek. at the end of a gruelling day, his life's work is death, per se. he stands watch while the wagon creaks, he collects himself and his meager pay. no matter if they work or play, no matter if they're strong or weak, at the end of a gruelling day he collects himself and his meager pay.

lmp 17-May-06/11:42 AM
if you dont like the content, fine. but to put a poem in so poor a place purely on personal punctuation preferences is pretty petty. (how's that for alliteration?)

to be honest, i do like the British spelling of some words, but it is not intuitive to me. if they were to be changed, how would that affect your impression of the poem?

addressing the use of "ev'ry": some may pronounce the word "every" as "ev-er-y", which would have thrown off the rhythm of the reading. to ensure that a two syllable pronunciation was used, thereby preserving the rhythm, i used "ev'ry". which, in actuality, is not archaic at all; to this day, do not ommitted letters in a word call for that punctuation called an apostrophe?

whereas punctuation will also help with the phrasing and rhythm of the piece, capitalisation (British spelling for your pleasure) does not - in my opinion - have any bearing. i tend to write without the use of capitals because i prefer to, and this is not without precedent(e e cummings). however, punctuation i do not forgo as it also helps collect certain parts of the written content together.

so if you read the poem and have some actual reasons why it is rated with a 2, i would be appreciative should you care to share your thoughts with the rest of us.




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