Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 21:24:15 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

Sun (Pantoum) (Other) by Sunny

Dirty girl. You groan your way to the top of the ladder then ascend down with your ferocious fever and burnt belly. You groan your way to the top. You have ruby lips - a splintered body from bottled light, with your ferocious fever and burnt belly. The purest cast cracks at the bottom where deep orange forms. You have ruby lips - a splintered body from bottled light, We see you, and we see through the red lips, bloody face well romanced. We have found your purest cast cracks at the bottom where deep orange forms. Bend the people to your current doldrums...because you never shout and brood like today. We see you, and we see through the red lips, bloody face well romanced. Yellow reviver, we miss the lemon in you, the mustard seed shine, sunflower overcasts... Don't bend the people to your current doldrums...because you never shout and brood like today. Dirty girl.

Sunny

10-May-06/9:17 PM

Well thank you Ranger, your opinions/ critiques are always warmly welcomed by me. I was wondering what you would think of this one...a bit, well, risky when it came to the play on words. To be completely honest w/ you, I didn't know what I was trying to underlying say, but that's why I have you!! Alcohlic is actually right on & something w/ a personal connotation to myself, but not me personally. See, my uncle committed suicide several years ago, & he was a severe alcoholic (he knew he was dying you see), & he would start the drinking evernight whenever the early evening would settle it's way in, if you will.
Awww. The sun, bring about the evening when it rolls, brings about the dirt, or how he saw himself anyway...if he only knew.
Thanks for "listening" in a sense, but YOU sparked what it was that I just couldn't quite put my finger on in this one; I just knew how I needed this one to be portrayed. I have a lot I feel I need to tell, blaming nature w/ personifications really because I respect it's beauty so much, I feel that it can defy the darkest of enemies, even if they are ourselves. Thanks for the little awakening going on here Ranger :) You've brought about a lot more depth for me to work with.

~Christin

Note: I only read 1 definition for a Pantoum. There was nothing in there about lines for the last vs. being altered at all or any sort of rhyme scheme in the "examples". I'm sure there are different branches from the original. I'll have to research fully through. Thanks for the helpful info!!

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