Sunny6 May 2006

Hey Ranger,
OK, I hope this is the most recent write you wanted my commentary on, more like a critique, which I am more than appeased to do; you are so faithful to my writes. Here are some examples of nit-picks I didn't care for...
-I don't care for poetry lacking correct punctuation. Punctuation is a huge confusion-killer to the reader (I know you only left out the periods, but in order to do this, the poem MUST be extremely clear on how it is to be read & theme as well, which is a tactic I have not even attempted yet myself). Fragments, as is the main composition of the first stanza, are fine, but an entire strophe of them can get under my skin a bit...
-Overall, hate to say it, I found little grasp of clarity. It seemed to me you sort of ventured off into winter wonderland half way through, never to return. My mere opinion of course. This choppy style simply does not give your reader enough to hold onto, to grasp the in-depth theme of this poem. I saw too many descriptions after descriptions after...you get it, leading to where?
-Lastly, I thought it was too long, unparalleling itself from the overall theme. I do get the overall theme & believe these types of poems should punch with "show," no "tell" in a Dickenson sort of way. I think you get very distracted from your base theme. With every line, every word, ask yourself if it is a direct response back to what you are trying to portray to your reader; this is critical in good poetry, & I know you are more than capable of this, no doubt.
-Again, lastly, avoid similes. I am contracted w/ a poetry professor out of NY who taught me this valuable "slap on the hand," per say. The usage of similes only distracts the reader from theme, big no-no. Sorry for the novel, but I was truly just trying to be of some kind of help...

~Sunny