Niphredil1 May 2006
How lovely! And how hard it must have been to write. This is the first paradelle I've read. I'm glad it was a good one.
I agree about the 3rd line from the end, though. 'light what grows' is awkward, so I made a valiant effort to find an alternative. It was a bitch.
I came up with,
'Of each dueling spark in light,
I make hearts âround bleeding paint,
Deliver what the angst hath built.'
It might fit, because in the original, the light grows. Here, it sparks into light. However, this is purely your decision. Have I said what a terrific piece this is already?