Replying to a comment on:

slice of moonlight (Terza Rima) by lmp

i see parts of me in you when i look upon your sleeping face; i see your mother in there, too. i sometimes use my lips to trace the gentle curve of cheek or brow, and sweetness of your skin i taste. your breath comes easy, so gentle now as i rock you slowly in my arms; what do you dream? do you know how? you win my heart with simple charms you do not know that you employ; your virtue i pray is never harmed. lie and sleep, my baby boy, i watch you and i smile; your sweet peace, my endless joy. i will let you sleep this while and weave your magic, your sleep within: my heart is helpless against your wiles. traced upon your lustrous skin a silvery slice of moon-light evokes the angel's glow within. sleep my boy, my babe, goodnight.

Niphredil 1-May-06/2:38 PM
I enjoyed this as it was a very pleasant, innocent, and naturally rhymed piece. I think your boy would love you reading this to him! I know I would.

Suggestions:
'your virtue i pray is never harmed.' - the meter is slightly off. Try something like
'I pray that you be never harmed', or another idea,
'Let silence softly wrap you warm'. it ain't perfect, but play with it :-)




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