Replying to a comment on:

slice of moonlight (Terza Rima) by lmp

i see parts of me in you when i look upon your sleeping face; i see your mother in there, too. i sometimes use my lips to trace the gentle curve of cheek or brow, and sweetness of your skin i taste. your breath comes easy, so gentle now as i rock you slowly in my arms; what do you dream? do you know how? you win my heart with simple charms you do not know that you employ; your virtue i pray is never harmed. lie and sleep, my baby boy, i watch you and i smile; your sweet peace, my endless joy. i will let you sleep this while and weave your magic, your sleep within: my heart is helpless against your wiles. traced upon your lustrous skin a silvery slice of moon-light evokes the angel's glow within. sleep my boy, my babe, goodnight.

Ranger 28-Apr-06/11:44 AM
Yes, I much prefer the ending to this edit. The last two lines are grand.
One slight grammatical point - line 15 ('your sweet peace my endless joy') needs either some punctuation or to be '...is my endless joy'. It probably holds up grammatically as it is, but it just feels wrong. Either way of remedying this would work without disrupting the rhythm, and would make me a happy reader ;-)
No other crits that I can see right now; good stuff!




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