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grim task (Villanelle) by lmp

at the end of a gruelling day, in the middle of a dreary week, he collects himself and his meager pay. there are no words he cares to say amid dirt and grime and his own reek at the end of a gruelling day. ev'ry day he toils and prays needlessly for what he seeks. he collects himself and his meager pay. carving into wet silty clay another sepulcher for the meek. at the end of a gruelling day, his life's work is death, per se. he stands watch while the wagon creaks, he collects himself and his meager pay. no matter if they work or play, no matter if they're strong or weak, at the end of a gruelling day he collects himself and his meager pay.

Ranger 24-Apr-06/3:10 PM
Better word choice and as such the rhythm is stronger. There are so many meanings that could be attached to this; obviously there is the gravedigger, possibly also a very puritanical preacher as well. In fact, it's one of those poems which can have any interpretation applied and justified. That is a sign of a well-written piece, in my book. Actually, that's not entirely true. Poems which are totally grey can be given any interpretation because they're just completely ambiguous. The success here is to make a more colourful poem open to alternative readings (by 'colourful' I mean that it has plenty of images in; the colours invoked are very 'grim and dreary').
I think that every verse in this poem is geared towards 'weak'. I won't try to justify it, but I think you've done the same as I did in my meta-vil. It's possible that you've included deeper meanings, but these take a long time to read into. I think I've done pretty well with the reading so far, and I think you've done very well with the writing.




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