Ranger24 Apr 2006

'Painkiller' passage - it's not the painkiller that takes her away, it is the draught. As in, you take painkiller (tablets) with a draught of water, and a draught (breeze) can carry you to the sky. The wings are arms around her, which she knows she can always go to regardless of whoever else she's been away with (awkwardly phrased explanation).
Okay, I'm getting too defensive there. I can see the links without problem, but I guess maybe I do throw too many metaphors around. Maybe I should keep them all and expand the poem, or perhaps I'll edit a few out. I'll rewrite this as a completely new poem; I want to keep this version so that I can see where the improvements came from, and generally to compare the two (plus it's got a good score =D).

Blueprint - I actually disagree that the language is ordinary. Or if it is, I don't think there's anything in my piece that isn't especially common. No more so than the idea of 'sudden houses'. People might pick out certain words and say 'nobody uses that in everyday speech'. The same with the play on 'draught'. Nobody really uses those sorts of plays. But that's what poetry is, to me. It's a game. It's a challenge to hide things under the surface, to apply double meanings and see if people spot them. Good poetry is when it's made beautiful.
Anyway, that's off topic. I will rewrite this after having a good think. Having seen the recent lack of comments on here, I'm not sure I'll get much from posting it on the ranker. Do you use any other sites? I feel like I'm haven't really advanced recently (slight writer's block as well) and could do with learning new tricks.