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Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint (Glosa) by Ranger

(quatrain taken from 'Blueprint' by god'swife; "Dream wife" from 'Penny Loafer Blues' by ALChemy) Tonight I hate your hands and their craft I cannot sleep as you do Pressed against the cool walls Of sudden and strange houses I should not secretly confess like this Love with the lips, you always insisted But then again, you prefer emotions to be audible And I, ever the silent I Have invisible wings wrapped about you all the time Remarkable pain killer to take with every draught That bears you up, away into the arms of some foreign sun When early gold returns new lore will be spun Although I'm prepared to accept it may seem like I laugh Tonight I hate your hands and their craft Your kiss, I'd guess, is as fleeting as your scarlet dress I have no such flamenco flame to scorch me as I rest I sleep alone. Does it make me seem strong in Solitude? Mine is a scarf to cloak this voice but leave the body longing How many times I have bargained, drunk with God To take this lust - I'll plead again tomorrow Take my heart, take my rib Bring me the dream wife I've glimpsed in print But don't think of me at night when you have much to prove I cannot sleep as you do Many evenings die, spent waiting for your Knight Oblivious to the irony; a tall shadow splits in directional light Ghostly spectrum - I admit my favourite shade is jealous Of those skeletons of your offering whom you took inside Too physical to hide Too visible to avoid recall Then you tell me I'm the only one who protects you through every storm And you reduce me just a little more With each new figure summoned to burn, to blaze, to fall Pressed against the cool walls In awe of the enchantment you engender Days fold, stretch, decrease and end remembered As tallied photographs of wasted air which does not thrill I wish I was that Knight of myth, of sword, of skill For he would be a blinding tempest wrapped in silver swirl Whereas I am just the heir within this shirt and trouser hold Who will watch the current make your banner wave And if love is unknown, then I ought not say How I hate that the mystery you espouse is Of sudden and strange houses

Ranger 20-Apr-06/1:37 AM
Okay, let's see if I can clarify the meanings in here, and then I'll set about looking at editing this one.
I think (having read your comments) in hindsight, that this is more abstract than I first thought it to be. The fact that it doesn't wholly follow the 'obsession' theme of Blueprint might not help my cause here, but I didn't want to just do a rewrite of your work, I wanted to add something to it.
The first three lines gave me a headache. 'I should not secretly confess like this [in writing, hidden away]/Love with the lips, you always insisted [open, honest speech and kissing]/But then again, you prefer emotions to be audible [no good being the 'strong and silent' type]. I guess I am going to have to rework this although getting round the structural constraints is going to be tough.
After that - yes it does deviate. I thought I could get away with it through the 'silent I' play to connect the two sections, but maybe it didn't work. 'Invisible wings' is actually pretty vital to the piece. I haven't included any filler in this, every line is relevant. I just need to make it a whole lot clearer. Maybe I should title it something like 'The Best Friend's Complaint'. Because that is the idea behind this. It's the traditional tale of 'her best friend being madly in love with her'. Hence the last two or three lines of each stanza, and the storm passage which you picked up on in your next post.




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