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Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint (Glosa) by Ranger

(quatrain taken from 'Blueprint' by god'swife; "Dream wife" from 'Penny Loafer Blues' by ALChemy) Tonight I hate your hands and their craft I cannot sleep as you do Pressed against the cool walls Of sudden and strange houses I should not secretly confess like this Love with the lips, you always insisted But then again, you prefer emotions to be audible And I, ever the silent I Have invisible wings wrapped about you all the time Remarkable pain killer to take with every draught That bears you up, away into the arms of some foreign sun When early gold returns new lore will be spun Although I'm prepared to accept it may seem like I laugh Tonight I hate your hands and their craft Your kiss, I'd guess, is as fleeting as your scarlet dress I have no such flamenco flame to scorch me as I rest I sleep alone. Does it make me seem strong in Solitude? Mine is a scarf to cloak this voice but leave the body longing How many times I have bargained, drunk with God To take this lust - I'll plead again tomorrow Take my heart, take my rib Bring me the dream wife I've glimpsed in print But don't think of me at night when you have much to prove I cannot sleep as you do Many evenings die, spent waiting for your Knight Oblivious to the irony; a tall shadow splits in directional light Ghostly spectrum - I admit my favourite shade is jealous Of those skeletons of your offering whom you took inside Too physical to hide Too visible to avoid recall Then you tell me I'm the only one who protects you through every storm And you reduce me just a little more With each new figure summoned to burn, to blaze, to fall Pressed against the cool walls In awe of the enchantment you engender Days fold, stretch, decrease and end remembered As tallied photographs of wasted air which does not thrill I wish I was that Knight of myth, of sword, of skill For he would be a blinding tempest wrapped in silver swirl Whereas I am just the heir within this shirt and trouser hold Who will watch the current make your banner wave And if love is unknown, then I ought not say How I hate that the mystery you espouse is Of sudden and strange houses

god'swife 19-Apr-06/11:30 PM
I have come up with some incredibly well put together sentences that I had to just throw away because they obscured the point I was trying to express. And guess what, they're often my favorite lines at the beginning. I try and try and try to find a place for them but they just don't fit. Anyway the point is- this poem says a lot about nothing. I know that you are trying to express something inspired, and without inspiration buddy, you might as well pack up and leave,so that means you are driven, but you need to use some of the frankness of ordinary speech.

you do just that with "then you tell me I'm the only one who protects you through every storm and you reduce me just a little more". That's just fucking beautiful. It's not only what you say here, but how you say it, which gives this image the reality it needs to be understood. Any human being could imagine themselves thinking that thought. And for some you will have put into words feelings they had but could not express. That's poetry my friend. It's not a bunch of fancypants on a catwalk. It's engaging the audience and holding them all the way to the end of your poem. And that last line, that crucial line, must either hit them right in the gut or make them see cleary for a moment the loveliness and wonder of the world.

not in one of these stanzas can I make the connection between what's written before hand and what's written in the last line.
Is there suppose to be a relationship there?

The heart is in the right place but this poem is hokie overall and that's a real shame because there are so many exquisite lines contained within it. Keep plugging away.




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