god'swife19 Apr 2006

I have come up with some incredibly well put together sentences that I had to just throw away because they obscured the point I was trying to express. And guess what, they're often my favorite lines at the beginning. I try and try and try to find a place for them but they just don't fit. Anyway the point is- this poem says a lot about nothing. I know that you are trying to express something inspired, and without inspiration buddy, you might as well pack up and leave,so that means you are driven, but you need to use some of the frankness of ordinary speech.

you do just that with "then you tell me I'm the only one who protects you through every storm and you reduce me just a little more". That's just fucking beautiful. It's not only what you say here, but how you say it, which gives this image the reality it needs to be understood. Any human being could imagine themselves thinking that thought. And for some you will have put into words feelings they had but could not express. That's poetry my friend. It's not a bunch of fancypants on a catwalk. It's engaging the audience and holding them all the way to the end of your poem. And that last line, that crucial line, must either hit them right in the gut or make them see cleary for a moment the loveliness and wonder of the world.

not in one of these stanzas can I make the connection between what's written before hand and what's written in the last line.
Is there suppose to be a relationship there?

The heart is in the right place but this poem is hokie overall and that's a real shame because there are so many exquisite lines contained within it. Keep plugging away.