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Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint (Glosa) by Ranger

(quatrain taken from 'Blueprint' by god'swife; "Dream wife" from 'Penny Loafer Blues' by ALChemy) Tonight I hate your hands and their craft I cannot sleep as you do Pressed against the cool walls Of sudden and strange houses I should not secretly confess like this Love with the lips, you always insisted But then again, you prefer emotions to be audible And I, ever the silent I Have invisible wings wrapped about you all the time Remarkable pain killer to take with every draught That bears you up, away into the arms of some foreign sun When early gold returns new lore will be spun Although I'm prepared to accept it may seem like I laugh Tonight I hate your hands and their craft Your kiss, I'd guess, is as fleeting as your scarlet dress I have no such flamenco flame to scorch me as I rest I sleep alone. Does it make me seem strong in Solitude? Mine is a scarf to cloak this voice but leave the body longing How many times I have bargained, drunk with God To take this lust - I'll plead again tomorrow Take my heart, take my rib Bring me the dream wife I've glimpsed in print But don't think of me at night when you have much to prove I cannot sleep as you do Many evenings die, spent waiting for your Knight Oblivious to the irony; a tall shadow splits in directional light Ghostly spectrum - I admit my favourite shade is jealous Of those skeletons of your offering whom you took inside Too physical to hide Too visible to avoid recall Then you tell me I'm the only one who protects you through every storm And you reduce me just a little more With each new figure summoned to burn, to blaze, to fall Pressed against the cool walls In awe of the enchantment you engender Days fold, stretch, decrease and end remembered As tallied photographs of wasted air which does not thrill I wish I was that Knight of myth, of sword, of skill For he would be a blinding tempest wrapped in silver swirl Whereas I am just the heir within this shirt and trouser hold Who will watch the current make your banner wave And if love is unknown, then I ought not say How I hate that the mystery you espouse is Of sudden and strange houses

god'swife 19-Apr-06/11:27 PM

There are some good strong lines and images. 'ever the silent', 'drunk with god', 'bring me the dream wife I've glimpsed in print', 'I admit my favourite shade is jealous', 'and you reduce me just a little more'.

I understand this has a certain structure that must be abided by and I know structure has much to do with choices, but the only way I can possibly critique this is simply as a poem, so bear with me if I make suggestions which go against the structure. My assumption, due to your ability to create images and sounds, is that you sincerely want to improve. Anne Sexton once said about her teacher at Boston university, the poet Robert Lowell, that "He works with a cold chisel with no more mercy than a dentist. He gets out the decay. He didn't teach me what to put into a poem but what to leave out." I have always been good at getting precisely to the point. I'm no Robert Lowel that's for certain, but many people have used me as an editor for every kind of writing from business letters to love letters. I don't know how much good I will do you, but- I know I can't do you harm.







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