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Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) (Villanelle) by Ranger

Pitched around inside this whirling fayre Quill-scratch scream - swift dart from lava flow A fallen leaf turns often in the air Thought of glory's talons in his hair Instead - a rosy skull, a cap of woe Pitched around inside this whirling fayre Across the burning hills he cried 'Beware The flash of early column light', as though A fallen leaf turns often in the air This small bird was cremated there Smoke-dawn lark encircled by grim crows Pitched around inside this whirling fayre There gathered flocks of ashes never shared Which would scatter like a broken stone A fallen leaf turns often in the air Quiet offer of a simple prayer Arrow feathered, hewn from speckled bone Pitched around inside this whirling fayre A fallen leaf turns often in the air

Ranger 18-Apr-06/2:38 PM
Fayre was meant for 'fair' as Dovina said, but I rather like your version. I might try working with that idea. Similarly, your ideas for the 'arrow' passage look good to me. I think I lost the thread a little by being so specific with 'cedar bow'. 'Feathered' is vital to the piece though - the arrow was meant to be the phoenix and also the pen which wrote these lines initially.
It was written to receive a pretty close reading. I don't want to make life easy for you guys! This also gives you scope to craft interpretations which I missed - like the hunt, which fits nicely. In all honesty I didn't write in the Columbia at first. It was only when I reread an earlier draft of it that I made the connection. My father was friends with Rick Husband, so I imagine that's why I linked it. Ambiguity in some poetry is good, at least according to me. The one I'm working on at the moment is intended to take that to the extreme, but it's a long way from completion (somewhat ironically, as I wanted it ready for Easter).
Thanks for commenting, it seems to be something of a struggle to get comments these days; all feedback is appreciated.
I look forward to seeing your villanelle!




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