Replying to a comment on:

slice of moonlight (Terza Rima) by lmp

i see parts of me in you when i look upon your sleeping face; i see your mother in there, too. i sometimes use my lips to trace the gentle curve of cheek or brow, and sweetness of your skin i taste. your breath comes easy, so gentle now as i rock you slowly in my arms; what do you dream? do you know how? you win my heart with simple charms you do not know that you employ; your virtue i pray is never harmed. lie and sleep, my baby boy, i watch you and i smile; your sweet peace, my endless joy. i will let you sleep this while and weave your magic, your sleep within: my heart is helpless against your wiles. traced upon your lustrous skin a silvery slice of moon-light evokes the angel's glow within. sleep my boy, my babe, goodnight.

Ranger 18-Apr-06/2:15 PM
Any time.

There are plenty of rhyming dictionaries online; some of them useful. I know you don't want direct suggestions, but I reckon there are a fair few alternative phrases which would fit nicely and be a little less tricky. If I'm honest, my main problem with 'stabile' is that it instantly made me think that you'd misspelled 'stable' - even though that obviously wasn't the case, it still forced me to reread that line, which in turn interrupted my reading of the poem in its entirety.




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