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The Unknown Soldier (Other) by abcmonkey78

We just finished studying WWI in Modern World History, so I wrote this: Upon the plains of sorrow, upon the worthless land, I am the unknown soldier, and that is where I stand; There's ceaseless noise around me, that carries with it death, And all the more I think about it, fear disgruntles breath; The iron hawks above me, will cry their deathly call, 'Till one will wound the other, and the wounded one will fall; The leaded hornets pass me, whos sting is so severe That if we had collided, I would not be leaving here; Behind me, past the trenches, five miles from this hell, Are fields full of crosses, where many men rest well; But I will progress further: my life that cannot be, For my generation's boat is still a ship thats lost at sea.

Ranger 18-Apr-06/1:26 AM
Firstly, 'The Unknown Soldier' is the title of a Doors song; you might consider changing it in case people make assumptions.
There are some good lines and metaphors here - 'iron hawks', 'leaded hornets' (should probably be 'leaden hornets'), and the last line is pretty smart too.
There are a few too many commas and semicolons (as has been noted already), and a couple of grammatical crits, but on the whole it's a decent poem.




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