Ranger18 Apr 2006

Okay, critique o'clock. Too many uses of 'face' in such a short piece; the first stanza made me think this was going to be humorous/parodying. Find either synonyms (there are plenty of online dictionaries for these sort of things) or use different images.
Second stanza is good, I enjoyed it.
'Parcels'? I didn't quite get anything so postal from this. Unless it's computing-based (I know just enough about technology to see there may be a connection). And again, 'face' appears too often.
Final stanza - good idea, although Icarus comes in a bit unexpectedly (I've been guilty of doing this myself, it's true). The only real clues you give beforehand are 'meager rise/its ceiling low' which isn't really enough. Good ending though.
I liked the form, I liked the rhythm and I liked the rhyme. I just think it needs the content worked on.