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a dream (Free verse) by lmp

lying on a grassy barrow, staring at the dark night sky, she noticed that the moon had risen, and its face seemed about to cry. she wondered at this luminous orb and the cause for its apparent woe. she could not bear to look on idly; unto the moon she had to go. when she approached she gently asked, "why do you look so sad? to shine amid the darkest sky; should that not make you glad?" the moon replied (if you can believe), "child, i am always all alone among the eternal darkess, with no friends to call my own." with that she reached out her own hand to comfort this sad celestial face. and when she withdrew her fingertips, they bore a luminous trace. she waved her arm and scattered wide countless drops of glittering light, and now the moon is not alone when rising to the sky at night.

ALChemy 12-Apr-06/4:13 PM
A few minor nitpicks. Don't use "grassy knoll", it harks back to JFK's assasination. "Grassy mound" would work fine. Change "looked" to "seemed". The word look can be the act of looking or it can be just appearing to be and that duality in the word can for a second stumble the reader's train of thought. I think you meant "she waved HER arm" in the last stanza. Otherwise I think this is a very sweet fable and I can imagine telling this as a bedtime story to my niece. Yes, very heartwarming me thinks.




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