Ranger9 Apr 2006

Aha, theeasterbunnyofdoom strikes again! There's some good stuff in here, although as Dovina said, it does lack cohesion. I wasn't sure if that was intentional though, given the title. If it is, all I can suggest is being a little more vivid with the imagery. If each stanza is more or less a standalone section, they need to have plenty of colour to give them some sort of individuality and character. The first line set the standard for that, but the rest mostly didn't live up to the imagery.
I wasn't sure about stanza 3, it seems a little overused, although the 'journeying companions' could be used to save it.
There are a few grammatical glitches, but I'm tired and will let someone else pick them.

This comment probably sounds like I didn't enjoy the poem; I actually did, but I think that with an edit or two it will be far more striking.