Replying to a comment on:

Shy, quiet (Free verse) by Ranger

A cagier lightning strikes with care. Cat-like cautious side-step splits purple rolling pillow sky, clouds Swift glancing light Pause- Over ground voice, left back crackles like static, moving, catches up - hovering Turns- Moves again to find the earth has spun away

ALChemy 3-Apr-06/1:06 PM
I think you entangled your metaphors too much. Maybe if you use the first stanza to set the scene and then the second stanza to explain the event.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001