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Quiet Hands (Free verse) by Sunny

I am going to freeze this clock, these hands will droop like stagnant breath- something scarred these hands into coma. They levitate behind a plastic frame; the arms stick to that very breath of time. The peeping bird shuts-off its’ back-‘forth routine, and the mother, in her complacent gown, watches the milk become colder while frozen fingers are in limbo inside duty and this eternal pause, cementing her feet to the stance the clock left them. Baby’s mouth is opened without the screech; time quit in the seconds that lie between an attempt and a wail.

Ranger 30-Mar-06/1:00 PM
Niphredil got it spot on by suggesting you don't repeat words (not so soon, anyway). I also found it interesting that the first stanza could be put directly in front of the last, and with the addition of a little punctuation it would work nicely. I'd love to see if you could apply this to the whole poem; work it so that any stanza could lead straight into any other.
I found the line breaks a little disruptive, but that could easily just be my way of reading it.




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