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Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) (Free verse) by ALChemy

Oh morning girl, let your tears fall. Though mother sky and father light are engaged in such a turbulent fight I will hold you safe by day or night, through thunder and through squall, through whatever fates befall. Come, ride on my shoulders Sunshine. Let us play in the midst of the rain. Let us ride out the storm and in time Let love and smiles heal pain.

god'swife 28-Mar-06/6:28 PM
The first line is very good. The next two lines are awful. Never us 'though' in a poem. It's theatrical and steals sincerity from everything it touches. This reads like a children's picture book. The penultimate line has a good metaphor, the storm being drowned out by wine. But again it's to ostentatious. I never heard of the moon being referred to as a child. Please explain.




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