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After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust (Glosa) by Ranger

(quatrain taken from 'Diamonds and Rust', by Joan Baez) Well I'll be damned Here comes your ghost again But that's not unusual...it's just that the moon is full And you happened to call Is it only two years past? I'd swear it's been much more But I remember just one November And everything after is gone Lost in the year's last veil, always soft to part No thorn words struck, no cold door slammed Like a street scene - scarf and shawl I sing 'Qui êtes-vous, belle dame?' Having sworn never again - here I now am Well I'll be damned With those last words to a nightingale Crushed velvet twilight starts to fall As though somebody cried 'Love blinds its domain' I shut my eyes to make sure I caught a glimpse serene, a dream of you, once well known Who spoke of dark romance, of love arcane Enchantment, haunting song Bound and still in awe, enthralled with you to blame Eyes closed all in vain - Here comes your ghost again Storm of emerald. You stare, ever irresistible into me Then from this deep, grave mattress vein I rise like an uncertain sun, slow spindle Thin black silhouette of gallows frame Yet again in dead, round candle's faint light The diva wind brings her lament Blood-chill iron voice to hail A queen you seem, proud you reign Where I lay in that spectred aisle's pull But that's not unusual...it's just that the moon is full And you haven't visited for a while I still think you're beautiful Though I never was More than mortal mundane Like a shivered dart fresh from water's skin Lying sunk in bedspread sprawl In the company of a broken mirror I was going to sit here this December in disdain Just drink, and think of nothing at all And you happened to call

Ranger 23-Mar-06/10:16 AM
Wow...that was epic! Probably the longest comment I've ever received - I'm not happy with the poem as it is, so this is exactly what it needs! The problem with writing it is that as I know all the events it's easy for me to associate the images (hence the reference to Dickens etc.) Plus, my surname is Nightingale, so again that seemed obvious to me but won't to most people.
Errm, where next...ah yes. 'Storm of emerald...' passage. That was meant to get more ethereal (as in 'seeing' the ghost, the memory seeming real). 'Deep dark mattress vein' being the bed appearing shadowed like a grave in the moonlight, followed by the gallows image.
The grammatical points I think you're right about...I tried twisting the language about a bit but in quite a few places it doesn't work.
Time to get the notepad out and write all this down so I can redraft, methinks. Cheers for the suggestions, I need the advice for this one. Somehow I find glosas very tricky to write, particularly from songs (even if the songs are excellent =D)




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