Personally I haven't ever tried sonnet writing, that's something I'll save for a rainy day, so to speak. But the comments you've received on this haven't been of any use, so let's see what can be said. I believe that sonnets (particularly Shakespearean sonnets) are supposed to be written in iambic pentameter. For a quick definition, look here:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=iambic+pentameter
(hopefully the link will work)
Some of the lines are nice, but you could be more creative with the rhymes. Rhyming is tough, far more than it seems - and the trick is to find really original and unexpected. Don't worry too much about getting exact rhymes, although 'life/fight' and 'boat/hope' are stretching it a little. Google search for an online rhyming dictionary - there are often a lot of rhymes for simple monosyllabic words which you'll see and think 'I knew that...why didn't I think of it first?' I certainly know I do.
Errm, that'll have to do for now - it's pretty late here (or early, depending on when you usually wake up). Good luck with any revisions of this!