Poemranker [Replying] Thu Nov 21 16:18:46 PST 2024

Replying to a comment on:

The American Soldier (Sonnet) by x0lovelylarnx0

A soldier goes off to war He hopes he's coming back He sits and waits for more On his way out he carries a sack Hopes he never has to see a friend die He preys to God he won't have to fire He can't sleep or lie He listens to every command from his sire Thank god for all our troops They are giving up months of their life When they could be shooting hoops Instead they signed up for a fight He gets off his boat When he saw his family he found hope

Ranger

19-Mar-06/5:43 PM

Personally I haven't ever tried sonnet writing, that's something I'll save for a rainy day, so to speak. But the comments you've received on this haven't been of any use, so let's see what can be said. I believe that sonnets (particularly Shakespearean sonnets) are supposed to be written in iambic pentameter. For a quick definition, look here:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=iambic+pentameter
(hopefully the link will work)
Some of the lines are nice, but you could be more creative with the rhymes. Rhyming is tough, far more than it seems - and the trick is to find really original and unexpected. Don't worry too much about getting exact rhymes, although 'life/fight' and 'boat/hope' are stretching it a little. Google search for an online rhyming dictionary - there are often a lot of rhymes for simple monosyllabic words which you'll see and think 'I knew that...why didn't I think of it first?' I certainly know I do.
Errm, that'll have to do for now - it's pretty late here (or early, depending on when you usually wake up). Good luck with any revisions of this!

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