Ranger18 Mar 2006

*beams roundly*

You've picked up on the major points that I was (and still am) concerned about (I did notice 'lay' was wrong, why I didn't change it is beyond me...)
I wasn't sure whether or not I could get away with 'reprise'...I thought maybe I could twist the meaning a little for it (renewal of life, perhaps) but I don't think it works.
With the Cerberus part, I was talking about the girl (not my daughter, if I have one I'm certainly not aware of her!) The initial draft was 'For it seemed that Hell assembled/Cerberus, her eyes resembled', as if I were seeing the underworld in her dying stare, but I felt that 'Hell' was a little too...well, pimply for this piece.
As ALChemy said; this piece will probably take about a million more edits to get right.
Thanks for all the feedback so far!