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Mid-July (Free verse) by Ranger

Night lay thick in mid-July - Sombre clock was softly speaking Pallid face a moon, a beacon Desperate spectre stood there, seeking For the secret to deny Fever's haste that would arise along the final, failing cries Of those condemned with no reprise Fades to faint, despairing sigh Sickness conquers in disguise of breath serene, of Death denied Frustrated search for holy prize But tonight a daughter dies - Dying breath was all I saw At this grim-toned voice I trembled For it seemed that there assembled Cerberus, her eyes resembled Citadels of steel and gore Now her face, her features laid in portrait's mirror - lines and shading Turned to chapel hall she prayed in Tell me! Tell me, I implore! Must she lay in darkness fading - pine cask, lilies all arrayed in Lines; a stone wall barricading Will she see tomorrow's dawn? Standing by this fire, this haven Where she oft shone - still I, craven Could not face the knowledge, braving Grief; another heart at war Chill by flame and ash cascading, broken, yet I took the painting Canvas frame she sat displayed in Noting every fault and flaw Bright, her stare began to smoulder Dancing blaze upon her shoulder Promised she would grow no older Solemnly this oath they swore Swore that she would ever lie Burning as the tongues devoured Love's last smile, that ghastly hour Never wilting, ember's flower Looking back with shining eyes Fever gone, the last goodbyes; the sound and silence harmonise Oh Death! - whose hand I do despise - Lead her gently this July By her bedside crystals bleeding Light turns sapphire, darkness ceding Clutching sorrow, sadness leading Lead her gently this July

Ranger 18-Mar-06/9:59 AM
*beams roundly*

You've picked up on the major points that I was (and still am) concerned about (I did notice 'lay' was wrong, why I didn't change it is beyond me...)
I wasn't sure whether or not I could get away with 'reprise'...I thought maybe I could twist the meaning a little for it (renewal of life, perhaps) but I don't think it works.
With the Cerberus part, I was talking about the girl (not my daughter, if I have one I'm certainly not aware of her!) The initial draft was 'For it seemed that Hell assembled/Cerberus, her eyes resembled', as if I were seeing the underworld in her dying stare, but I felt that 'Hell' was a little too...well, pimply for this piece.
As ALChemy said; this piece will probably take about a million more edits to get right.
Thanks for all the feedback so far!




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