Niphredil18 Mar 2006

Well, I *was* going to begin this post with "Quoth the Raven: nevermore", but after reading other comments it seems a bit redundant...

The poem is terrific! A little polish, perhaps, would be in order to earn this a round 10, but as it is, the flow is excellent (and I have no doubt that was tough...) , it reads well and is quite beautiful to top it off.

Little critique with "Cerberus, her eyes resembled".
The 'her' is unclear. If you're talking about your daughter (as it seems, since you continue to use 'her' in following sentences) then 'steel and gore' sounds way out of place. If you're talking about Cerberus, well... it ain't female!

"Must she lay in darkness fading" - change 'lay' to 'lie'.

I also think that 'reprise' in line 7 is misplaced. It means the recurrence or renewal of an action, not an amnesty or pardon. I think.

That aside, it really is a lovely piece of work.