Replying to a comment on:

My God (Free verse) by ElmoBeavisButthead

My god is not above the clouds, Nor below my feet, My god is within me, Everyday, Every moment, Through happiness, Through heartbreak. My god is my everything, My muse, My will, My spirit, My love, My mind, My sin, My soul. Everyone has their own god, Everyone is their own god, For they can change themselves, And the world around them, Whenever they feel like. My god is many things in this world, A leader, A follower, A sinner, A friend, A lover. Good or dire, We all are gods.

Ranger 18-Mar-06/6:13 AM
Hmm, I never was one for existential thought, but it's not a bad poem. I like the fact that it's concise, in a way, but then I'd also like to see it more...substantial, if you see what I mean. The first line sets a good tone for the poem; but as far as imagery goes you don't capitalise on the potential. I don't know, maybe you don't want visuals in here...that's fair enough, but my preference is to see something tactile - particularly something creative, something vivid and imaginative. Having said that, however, what you do say is said well...you don't give in to the 'preach-y' nature that often accompanies poems such as this. Have a look round various poems on here - see what you think to the styles kicking about.
7 from me - with any luck you'll get some useful advice from the better poets here.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001