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Mid-July (Free verse) by Ranger

Night lay thick in mid-July - Sombre clock was softly speaking Pallid face a moon, a beacon Desperate spectre stood there, seeking For the secret to deny Fever's haste that would arise along the final, failing cries Of those condemned with no reprise Fades to faint, despairing sigh Sickness conquers in disguise of breath serene, of Death denied Frustrated search for holy prize But tonight a daughter dies - Dying breath was all I saw At this grim-toned voice I trembled For it seemed that there assembled Cerberus, her eyes resembled Citadels of steel and gore Now her face, her features laid in portrait's mirror - lines and shading Turned to chapel hall she prayed in Tell me! Tell me, I implore! Must she lay in darkness fading - pine cask, lilies all arrayed in Lines; a stone wall barricading Will she see tomorrow's dawn? Standing by this fire, this haven Where she oft shone - still I, craven Could not face the knowledge, braving Grief; another heart at war Chill by flame and ash cascading, broken, yet I took the painting Canvas frame she sat displayed in Noting every fault and flaw Bright, her stare began to smoulder Dancing blaze upon her shoulder Promised she would grow no older Solemnly this oath they swore Swore that she would ever lie Burning as the tongues devoured Love's last smile, that ghastly hour Never wilting, ember's flower Looking back with shining eyes Fever gone, the last goodbyes; the sound and silence harmonise Oh Death! - whose hand I do despise - Lead her gently this July By her bedside crystals bleeding Light turns sapphire, darkness ceding Clutching sorrow, sadness leading Lead her gently this July

Ranger 17-Mar-06/4:36 PM
It is too a pimple. To prove so, I would like to borrow the Pimple Checklist (courtesy of -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. Enterprises) to prove my point:

[_] AABBCC rhyming scheme
[_] About romantic love
[_] Arbitrary indentation
[_] Arbitrary line breaks
[X] Autobiographical but in the third person
[X] Braggadocious
[_] Clerical errors
[X] Cliched rhymes (love/above etc.)
[X] Cliched adolescent metaphors of darkness for despair etc.
[_] Devoid of alliteration or any such linguistic embellishments
[_] Devoid of rhyme
[_] Devoid of simile, reification or any such literary devices
[_] Devoid of wond'rous or fantastical imagery
[_] Drug references
[_] Elves, unicorns, etc.
[_] Exclamation points used to mark 'the funny bits'
[_] Insipidly whimsical or zany
[_] Leaving rant
[_] Lower case only
[_] 'Lyrics'
[X] Melodramatic
[X] Naively religious or superstitious
[_] Obsessed with femininity
[X] Overabundance of ellipses
[X] Overuse of Latinate words and/or convoluted sentence structures
[X] Pointedly unanswered questions
[_] Protagonist has a smug name
[_] Rage against the machine
[_] References to the author's 'social life'
[_] Repetition of a single word or phrase to the point of nausea
[X] Sanctimoniously moral
[X] Sappy
[_] Suicide-related
[_] Wish fulfilment

That having been said, I'll get rid of the warning...I was kind of hoping someone would tell me it wasn't necessary.




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