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Looking Back (Free verse) by x0lovelylarnx0

Looking back I wonder what my life would be like if I had done things differently I realize that one single tiny thing can change everything I try to picture what my life would be like without certain people Looking back it's hard to remember parts of my life Yet it seems like just yesterday I was in elementry school Where I met my one true love Looking back I wonder how my life would be different If I had never asked him to be my boyfriend It scares me to think of a life without him I think I am supposed to be with him forever Looking back there are some things I wish I had done differently Now I can't change any of it What's done is done

Ranger 17-Mar-06/3:49 PM
Hmm...potential, but it really needs changes (in my opinion). The ideas are nice but the word choices don't do it any sort of justice. Try using fewer pronouns (this is a pretty universal rule), particularly if you want the reader to 'relate'.
Also...think about rewriting this in the 3rd person - it gives you a lot more scope to be creative, to invent imagery and use metaphorical language. Which will earn you bonus points on here, trust me.
Keep working at it.




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