Replying to a comment on:

Crowded (Other) by INTRANSIT

Nineteen gauges lighting up the cab. White and anxious needles making little stabs. Passive indicators show their minute sweeps, the scope of their inspections leaving naught to keep. Nineteen meters tell their stories long I turn the panel down, hearing what is wrong.

Ranger 11-Mar-06/4:22 PM
Good to see you back, my long-distance amigo! I like this, very catchy and ever so slightly surreal; personifying the gauges works very nicely. Line 4 feels a little...awkward though. 'Leaving naught to keep' felt much more archaic than the rest - but then again, I can't think of anything you might replace it with.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001