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The great seven of Coloumbia the space ship (Free verse) by Dhanesh M Kumar

This seven went up the fore to siege off beyond the bounties of earth; seven seas and seven wonders not enough to make it through, as they do with, so easily, more and enough for ordinary souls. This seven went up the fore to siege off beyond the bounties of earth; seven capes and seven sages not enough to make it through, perhaps in pursuit of capes of ether and sages among the numerous stars. Oh ! the seven pearls of Coloumbia the ship Who sailed beyond the seas of the earth; we salute your spirits in heaven though we are sure enough, our tears and our words, so meek For you remain as our shining stars. This seven went up the fore to siege off beyond the bounties of earth; seven seas and seven wonders not enough to make it through, as they do with, so easily, more and enough for ordinary souls.

Ranger 10-Mar-06/3:45 AM
This is nice as a tribute, although grammatically it needs improvement. 'To siege' doesn't work - you can use siege as a verb, but it becomes 'besiege'. If you want it as a noun, put a comma after it "To siege, off beyond..." 'Up the fore' doesn't work either, I don't think. 'To the fore' would be fine though. Lines 4-6 I think I know what you mean but the wording is awkward. Also 'Colombia'. I think there are a couple of other corrections that need making, but I'll let someone else spot them.
I really like the talk of seven seas/wonders/capes/sages, and 'the seven pearls of Colombia' is a great line. So is 'perhaps in pursuit of capes of ether'.
Keep working at this one, it promises to be a really good poem!




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