Replying to a comment on:

Stella 130 (Sonnet) by BenRice

Her coat is nothing like those dogs' in ads. QVC gems hold more green than her eyes. If coal is black, well then her flanks are soot. If hairs be wires, then wires invade my couch. I've seen greyhounds that race like thoroughbreds. No such greyhound exists in my dog's gait. And in some alleys on trash day the smell Is more inviting than her cat-poop breath. I love the moo-ing sounds she makes asleep, But nails on chalkboards best her shrill whine. And no epitome of grace is she: When her long tail is wagged, mayhem occurs. And yet, on Earth, no friend I've ever had Has given devoted love like my dog.

Ranger 9-Mar-06/1:42 PM
There's good potential here, but it's not quite living up to the promise it shows in places. 'Wires invade my couch' is good, made me think of springs sticking through the fabric. However, 'cat-poop' and 'moo-ing' in particular are (in my opinion) crying out to be replaced by something a little more...well, poetic.
Still, a nice sentiment.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001