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Sour Apple (Free verse) by ecargo

Not for her, this place of shining silence; she is haste and neon hues, a mouth stretched smile-wide with gleaming malice, a din, a bruise. For her: a glassed demesne, a churning in the flows, a copse of beeches, damascened, a jagged rose. Let her stride where the towers hide the sky, where the sun fails in cold canyons and the wind whines. No, not for her this green and singing solace, this bird-flashed lake, the silver fall of night. Caught in a mirror deep, she takes no notice, enchanted by her own reflected light.

Ranger 9-Mar-06/1:36 PM
This is very groovy, it appeals to my sense of taste (no pun intended) as I'm sure you expected! I'd have liked to see the rhyme continued over stanza 3...although it's loose throughout the piece, it gets too loose there. Stanza 1 gave me the impression of violence, that seemed carried over stanza 2 as well (glassed, jagged etc.). Stanza 4 is excellent, vanity of fairytales always makes for superb imagery.
With 'a copse of beeches, damascened' is there supposed to be the play on 'damsel' and 'damson' (damsel relating to the fairytale, damson relating to the 'foresty' theme there)? Because I read it that way - aided by a misreading of 'damascened' on first sight. I love the literal use of damascened there as well - nicely original.
8 for now, I feel that stanza 3 is in need of a little surgery to get up to the standard of the rest.




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