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A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky (Free verse) by Ranger

Unlike most who gaze at stars He stared not through rosehip mist But instead spent one night Standing Atlas, dreaming of a burden lifting Telescope raised in a silent toast Like a beacon lit, lens aflame Such wide-eyed squint as Venus passed In prism, caught within its round glass eye He hoped to take that thin gold ring Through which he now looks Placing diamond in the band With ruby glitter on its right But his hand fell before they joined As Venus left - a hammer's arc Could the mist, a flowing turn of white Seem by dawn to him avail? Kneeling, no A cockerel early risen, tense Brings the news that night has gone And once again It cries An astronomer will die at dawn

Ranger 2-Mar-06/4:20 AM
The beacon lit was a little imagery for the reflection of Venus in the lens - the lens being his desire for marriage etc. etc. etc.
A brass ring would have been a more accurate description for a telescope, but what would your reaction be if your lover gave you a brass ring in proposition?
Also, I felt that the cockerel seemed to fit nicely as a reflection of the man - a rooster is settled in his familial position, whereas the cockerel is not. The young man is more likely to wake early to try to win the lady of his affection (shit, I sound so pretentious here...).
I tried to fit a change to the imagery with that as well; I had the idea of the ring being crafted by the falling of a metalsmith's hammer, but the hammer turning to that of a judge in 'sentencing' the man to failure (hence the courtroom imagery in "risen, tense" splitting to resemble 'rise' and 'sentence', and of course the final condemnation).




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