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Revised Dream (Final Version) (Free verse) by Wakeboarder20

Facing the unknown without fear, without knowledge or compromise. With the world by my side full of faith and confidence. Staring at the sun and never going blind. It’s been beat to a pulp scared up and overlooked. But I’ve always seen it as a sturdy rock to stand. See me as a fool but I'll always believe. Another day’s gone by. One more forgotten dream but this one's never lost. Take it to heart or ignore it but know in every way that this is a dream for all.

Ranger 24-Feb-06/10:18 AM
Yes, it is certainly an improvement - I really am glad you took out 'fields of love'. Keep adding to this as you think up new images - as I've said, originality is the key.
Now, you will probably want to kick me for saying this, but in my opinion the content would be improved if the faith aspect was toned down a little. I'm not saying do away with it - the poem's obviously centred around it - but I think that it would make it easier for you to invent around if you toned down the theology somewhat; this would also allow for more creative poetry. However, I also think you should wait for other people to give you feedback, because others might disagree with me on this point.
Keep up the good work!




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