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Revised Dream (Final Version) (Free verse) by Wakeboarder20

Facing the unknown without fear, without knowledge or compromise. With the world by my side full of faith and confidence. Staring at the sun and never going blind. It’s been beat to a pulp scared up and overlooked. But I’ve always seen it as a sturdy rock to stand. See me as a fool but I'll always believe. Another day’s gone by. One more forgotten dream but this one's never lost. Take it to heart or ignore it but know in every way that this is a dream for all.

Ranger 24-Feb-06/6:01 AM
Okay, I like the idea at the core of this - positive poems are getting rarer by the day. However, when you get into the description it is very cliched and - dare I say it - lacking in a bit of imagination. As some advance warning, the 'love/above' rhyme is certain to lose you marks here (it is possible the most used phrase in the world of poetry, although run close by 'hate/fate'). Also, 'fields of love' really doesn't work. Although I know in a way what you're saying, it's totally nonsensical. Have a listen to 'Fields of Gold' (by the Police, just in case you haven't heard it) for an example of mastery of this sort of imagery.
Essentially what I am trying to say here is that this poem will be very good if you can make it original. Read a lot of poetry on here and note all the recurring phrases/rhymes/images. Then avoid them like the plague. Your imagination will do the rest.
I look forward to seeing any revisions of this.




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