Replying to a comment on:

You (Free verse) by terbenaw

I gaze upon the night's pale eye Its incandescent illumination Invigorating my being As I think of you Your face Enchantingly beautiful Captivates my vision And Earth's shadowy blanket Coupled with its luminous jewels Serves as your backdrop Your eyes, twin windows Into glimpses of Heaven Shine with innocence And love unfettered Promises of forever hinted In pecan brown treasures A winter wind whispers In my ear, carrying a voice Rich with velvet warmth that dances Within the confines of its cool exterior As its gentle caress tickles my mouth Sensory recollections surface Of soft lips upon my own Its edges curled upwards Into a smile The breeze diminishes And the world slumbers in dreams Of tranquility, yet still I think of you I wonder if you're out here with me somewhere Under the watchful eye of the night

Ranger 24-Feb-06/5:33 AM
Okay, I see you've changed 'velvety' now, I think it works better. Did you alter anything else?
Now, you evidently want other people to comment/critique this, but I've had a look at your profile, and if the comment count includes comments on your own works (which I think it does), you've only made 5 comments on poems not by you. If you want others to make the effort on your poems, you have to first give them some feedback - even if it's just to say whether you liked/disliked their poems and why. You don't need to give a full-on analysis of a poem in order for the writer to appreciate you spending the time to look at their work.
Right, I'm giving this an 8 because it has some very nice passages and is pretty well structured. I still don't like 'phosphorescent', but I'm sure not everyone will agree with me there.
Peace




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001