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while you are away on the islands (Free verse) by poetandknowit

the city cold and damp for spring, dead gray sky and frozen ground, the shifting darkness outside my window as passing cars battle the fading breath of space atop the dirty street. a photograph inside my wallet eases each fragmented hour, reminds me how wealthy i've become in these fleeing days of winter. your name scrawled three thousand times across my walls once for each mile you stand apart from this place, smiling against a tiring sun, one last glimpse at an endless sea with only the weight of water to hold these things between us.

Christof 10-Sep-02/6:39 AM
I quite like this, but you seem to lose grip of your rhythms towards the end - the last line just clunks a little bit. I think it needs to be shorter.




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