Replying to a comment on:

Lost In Her Effervescence (Free verse) by ALChemy

Loving you is like swimming in soft waters of a cold boiling ocean beneath the driving rain, tumbling through swarming bubbles, like your fingers running, dancing, fumbling along my skin. Your kiss a gasp for air that isn’t there. A chill so, that it burns the illusion of fire, desired over frigid despair. In my bones, they know and cry out swim and so I struggle and as I struggle form more foam to soften, to sink me further in from mothering sun’s warmth into smothering blissful abyss, only to die as the suds die. As if they don’t really exist. Lost to the oldest of lies.

Ranger 19-Feb-06/4:12 PM
Line 8 - is it meant to be 'cry out "Swim..."'? That would seem to make more sense to me. I like 'mothering sun', I take it that is a semi-play on 'mothering sunday'? It makes that passage a neat little metaphor for life.
I'm not totally sure about the last line, in a way it unbalances the 'positive/negative' equilibrium of this piece.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001