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change (3rd draft) (Haiku) by Adriaan

Hermit sits: same place, but new view. Red leaves fall.

ALChemy 15-Feb-06/6:17 AM
Good but you could have put more imagery in the second verse. Something like-
Hermit sits:
Child's name carved in bark
Red leaves fall.

Not that that's where you were going but you see what I mean?




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