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Tonight (edit) (Free verse) by drnick

Your eyes swallow pain Like the desert swallows rain I'm falling down down and back on my feet again A shade of gray I comprehend One that makes your mind expend I've stalled on the tracks and started a new trend In the dreary cold of winter's night You're my solemn bedside candlelight I want to push you away with intent to invite Alas, you've stolen my rhythmic breath To such an extent there’s no more left I'll be the willing victim to such a beautiful death

Ranger 7-Feb-06/3:05 AM
Very good, not original but done much better than most. The only suggestion I have is to change 'started' (line 8) to 'begun'...it's easier to read, other than that - excellent!




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