Replying to a comment on:

time (3rd draft) (Haiku) by Adriaan

Goldfish contemplate raindrops rippling the surface Ice ends disturbance

Ranger 6-Feb-06/1:12 PM
Okay, I much prefer this version. The only thing from my view is that the second line's a syllable too long - I pronounce 'rippling' with 3 syllables. If you don't pronounce it that way, disregard what I've said, if you do then all I'd do is get rid of 'the'. Other than that, perfect!




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