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Anonymous Love (Free verse) by Angelicasassy

Look into my eyes, tell me... do you see the hope, the joy, when you smile at me? Can you tell that my heart is racing, when you touch my hand, oh so softly, so brief but enough to please. A bird sings a song right outside my window, so pretty, so clear, but I, with all my infinite power, hear naught. My mind is full of you, you, you, you, you, I dream, eat, think of you, but you are so far away and each day, it seems as if you are more and more distant. Time stands still for just a second, it joins me in my wish, flowers bloom, bees buzz and life goes on, but I am still stuck here, Thinking, praying, dreaming. Do you even know I exist?

Ranger 6-Feb-06/9:18 AM
zodiac, that was very diplomatic of you, I'm highly impressed! Angelica, you obviously have some poetic ability; take note of what zodiac's said here, be original and creative. If I've seen it before, I'll get bored of it quickly whereas if it makes me stop and think then I'm more likely to take it in.
On a more specific note, the rhythm here is a little awkward in places, 'distant' (line 18) could be replaced, etc. etc. etc.
As z says, welcome to the ranker!




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