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Tonight (edit) (Free verse) by drnick

Your eyes swallow pain Like the desert swallows rain I'm falling down down and back on my feet again A shade of gray I comprehend One that makes your mind expend I've stalled on the tracks and started a new trend In the dreary cold of winter's night You're my solemn bedside candlelight I want to push you away with intent to invite Alas, you've stolen my rhythmic breath To such an extent there’s no more left I'll be the willing victim to such a beautiful death

Adriaan 6-Feb-06/7:18 AM
I love the ebb and flow of this poem!

'To such an extend there’s no more left' - should that not be 'extent'? You use 'away' twice ('push you away' and 'stolen away'). I think it would be better to use another word in the second instance.




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