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Exodus of Babylon (Free verse) by SupremeDreamer

Devious intentions rise out of rage 'n wretchedness to posses the mind - bend ones will to be unkind, deep within savage darkness; inching closer to a tortured demise. There is no salvation that I in euphoric pilgrimage can find. All is turned to dust & ash, here in Babylon - house of the harlot & her twisted lust driving men to sin, tempted by innocent 'n pure flesh. It is a shame to be a child, fallen from grace & painfully slipped into Chaos - A hell of fire 'n spiritual decay. Turned inward, hiding from memory, lies a piece of my heart that waits - Until the day this ravaged soul of mine is lifted out of melancholic paralysis, to blossom into furious resurrection & all-embracing freedom.

ecargo 4-Feb-06/9:53 AM
I like this--the bitter energy of it, the random rhymes/near rhymes (ash, flesh), the cohesiveness of it. Some good lines too--euphoric pilgrimage. Watch the cliches (ravaged soul, piece of my heart, all-embracing).

Nits: one's, not ones. The 'n's for "ands" don't seem to serve any purpose; more distracting than anything.

Cool.




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