ecargo4 Feb 2006

I like this--the bitter energy of it, the random rhymes/near rhymes (ash, flesh), the cohesiveness of it. Some good lines too--euphoric pilgrimage. Watch the cliches (ravaged soul, piece of my heart, all-embracing).

Nits: one's, not ones. The 'n's for "ands" don't seem to serve any purpose; more distracting than anything.

Cool.