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The True Fate of Humpty Dumpty (Free verse) by Joe-joe

There is a sill hidden neatly behind a cherry bordered wall in the old abandoned publishing plant right next door to Stewart’s grocery store in a town once nourished by the railroad. On restful nights you can still hear the sound of a caboose running shotgun for a string of cars that vanish on the horizon. Strip the sandals from your feet and you’ll feel life in the ground beneath you. A life that inexplicably makes it’s way past the old rusted press and inkwells to a bookshelf where three blind mice sit lost atop a wall once reserved for a lad named Humpty Dumpty who for some reason has wandered astray and is now a permanent guest of the Queen.

ecargo 25-Jan-06/6:36 AM
Almost there Joe. Consider losing some of the modifiers (neatly, old abandoned--why not just abandoned?--restful (not that restful if you're up listening to the trains), etc.. Why "inexplicably" makes its (no apos. for the possessive "its"). "feel life in the ground beneath you" is nice. Needs more buildup/connection to the nursery rhyme aspects--they seem to come out of nowhere.




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