Replying to a comment on:

Best left unsaid (trust first instincts edit, w/thanks) (Free verse) by ecargo

My tongue’s loose slide would soon let slip this truth, bruised blue, behind these sentinel teeth. We meet. Touch. Fuck. We seldom speak much more than surface gloss-- from niceties to wordless heat, we move. With your hand warm on my neck, I swallow words thick with promise, glistening like larva trapped in tissue webs, my palate ridged as a whale's. Words grow pallid as mushrooms in the echoless dark, slick with the sweat of caves. I want to devour you, a carnal glide, deep as a worm, down, down, in my rich earth.

zodiac 24-Jan-06/9:25 AM
I think there is a sameness of voice. (You don't see it reading journals because journal selections, as a rule, aren't workshopped; you see it from watching a lot of workshops.) The almost-inevitable result of workshopping IS a uniform blandness. Think of the poems you've workshopped: This guy says, I'm not so sure about your use of 'fuck' - isn't there a better word? This one says pallid as mushrooms seems a bit cliche; this one says he doesn't get ridged as a whale's mouth. This one says explore the sex imagery more; this one'd like more violence imagery. This says he didn't get it; this says it's too obvious. If you listen, your voice isn't your own; the poem's, um, unity is compromised. It's like democracy: with all the great inspired leaders and individuals in our midst, how do we end up electing the blandest, most anonymous President?

I'm not saying don't workshop. I'm saying put something out for the first reaction, like or dislike, and to catch big mistakes. When people say they want shorter lines or more sex, don't change the poem you posted; write another one using their ideas, see what they think of that. Even then, half the time you'll get one responder who hates your poem for every one who loves it - so that, after all the workshops in the world, it's still the loneliest profession.




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001