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When God is Needed No More (Other) by ALChemy

Good children gather round the hearth for it is time for you to know that like the grass you sprout from earth and are destined there to go But worry not about the matter It will only spoil your joy Nor dream truth of any hereafter Such promises are coy Do not think this blasphemous I will not deny God’s power to lead us through disastrous days into our finest hour What if we stretched that hour, long as our life and remained modest and did all we could to not do wrong? Could we not then go on godless? Could we not carry on his word and let our father rest? Surely such reward’s deserved for he did his very best. Now children you are grown and are off to inherit the earth while helpless and alone waits the one you owe your birth God watches like any other proud and caring parent that sees in you, sister and brother the goodness that is inherent For it is in God’s plan to instill in us his love and wisdom, and to send forth his good children and only in silence miss them

ALChemy 24-Jan-06/12:37 AM
Some good comments on the meter and commas. Thanks, I'll work on it.
I considered changing "inherit the earth" but I couldn't resist leaving it in because it implies the death or retirement of a parent or of God. It also reinforces that the grown children are taking God's knowledge with them. Had I used a more obscure biblical reference the effect would have been lost.
It's quite hard to say something either pro or anti-god and not come out sounding a little preachy which is why I'm glad it doesn't bother you.
The teller of the poem is percieved an older wise person simply by the way the listeners are addressed in the poem.
So fresh language would come across as some young buck trying to tell you how it is.(Word up, yo)
"Compelling" would really come across as preachy.("The power of Christ compells you")
For my take on Lewis Carroll see:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=135039




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