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When God is Needed No More (Other) by ALChemy

Good children gather round the hearth for it is time for you to know that like the grass you sprout from earth and are destined there to go But worry not about the matter It will only spoil your joy Nor dream truth of any hereafter Such promises are coy Do not think this blasphemous I will not deny God’s power to lead us through disastrous days into our finest hour What if we stretched that hour, long as our life and remained modest and did all we could to not do wrong? Could we not then go on godless? Could we not carry on his word and let our father rest? Surely such reward’s deserved for he did his very best. Now children you are grown and are off to inherit the earth while helpless and alone waits the one you owe your birth God watches like any other proud and caring parent that sees in you, sister and brother the goodness that is inherent For it is in God’s plan to instill in us his love and wisdom, and to send forth his good children and only in silence miss them

ecargo 23-Jan-06/7:05 PM
Yep, you've been reading Blake. ;-) You lose your meter here and there, and since you mostly stick to it, it's jarring when you go astray.

Put a comma after your invocation (good children)--makes it immediately clear that you're speaking to them (it threw me off the first time). A nit.

"Inherit the earth" IS a great biblical line, which is why it's so overused.

As Dovina notes, it's deliberate preaching, which doesn't bother me, but I do wish the language was a little more fresh and compelling. Or that he ate the children in the end (sorry, it got me thinking of The Walrus and the Carpenter):

"O Oysters," said the Carpenter,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.





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