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Desperate Season (Free verse) by Sisterwolf

Now is the chilled and stark mien of winter’s death, running its fingers through its frozen hair Dark, withdrawn and without joy. Earth is no closer to death than this, as the planet blindly feels for light. Ancient man watched the horizon, seeking one stray thread of sun, something to reassure his terror. Dispirited cattle crunch through ice, their hooves immersed in half-frozen water, mud, sludge. Lowing for their warm barn they protest their exposure to the field. Between the dawn and darkening there are so few hours of living. Beds are singing, covers hum of warmth and desperate escape. Will no crocus peek its head out of the soaked and sodden earth so drear. Will the ice never break and let spring flow out into the land in salvation. Then in summer’s rude glaze of heat, the heart cannot help but remember that abysmal time with fondness, as if when next it came it would be embraced.

god'swife 21-Jan-06/9:49 PM
Things I Like About This Poem:

Terrific assonance and alliterations.

'Between the dawn and darkening
there are so few hours of living.'
That's a kick ass line.

'Beds are singing'

Personally, each winter I wish for summer afternoons, and each summer I look forward to a cold winter's night. The "grass is always greener", that's me.


Things I'm Not Crazy About In This Poem:

Winter's death is Spring, isn't it?

Winter's chilled and stark bearing has fingers. I cannot picture this. I can picture death or winter having fingers, but not either's mien having fingers.

Death is used twice within four lines. At first the subject is death and then the subject becomes earth's death. The inconsistency is distracting me.

Ancient man. Too vague, too broad. I know there's a better way to say this. How is beyond me(of course, it's always easier said than done). This poem has an erudite mien; 'ancient man' looks lost. Like it was looking for an elementary school textbook and somehow walked into this poem.

If the bed is singing I don't think the covers should be humming. How do you feel about the bed singing of warmth etc...? Or the bed could be singing songs of..., lullabies of..., or hymns to warmth and desperate escape. Maybe it would be best to leave the covers out of it.

The two sentences in the penultimate stanza seem like questions, yet there are no question marks. Am I reading it wrong?

That whole thing about winter not segueing into summer might be solved if you removed 'Then' from the beginning of the stanza.

Oh, I'm also very fond of 'one stray thread of sun'. Thread is a perfect metaphor; thin, elusive, and it echos the notion of a thread of hope.









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