god'swife21 Jan 2006

Things I Like About This Poem:

Terrific assonance and alliterations.

'Between the dawn and darkening
there are so few hours of living.'
That's a kick ass line.

'Beds are singing'

Personally, each winter I wish for summer afternoons, and each summer I look forward to a cold winter's night. The "grass is always greener", that's me.


Things I'm Not Crazy About In This Poem:

Winter's death is Spring, isn't it?

Winter's chilled and stark bearing has fingers. I cannot picture this. I can picture death or winter having fingers, but not either's mien having fingers.

Death is used twice within four lines. At first the subject is death and then the subject becomes earth's death. The inconsistency is distracting me.

Ancient man. Too vague, too broad. I know there's a better way to say this. How is beyond me(of course, it's always easier said than done). This poem has an erudite mien; 'ancient man' looks lost. Like it was looking for an elementary school textbook and somehow walked into this poem.

If the bed is singing I don't think the covers should be humming. How do you feel about the bed singing of warmth etc...? Or the bed could be singing songs of..., lullabies of..., or hymns to warmth and desperate escape. Maybe it would be best to leave the covers out of it.

The two sentences in the penultimate stanza seem like questions, yet there are no question marks. Am I reading it wrong?

That whole thing about winter not segueing into summer might be solved if you removed 'Then' from the beginning of the stanza.

Oh, I'm also very fond of 'one stray thread of sun'. Thread is a perfect metaphor; thin, elusive, and it echos the notion of a thread of hope.